Salmon

I am grateful. Very grateful. Grateful for all whom I know. For my health, my education, my house, my friends, my love of music and my ability to connect with so many wonderful people. But I am a little confused. Sometimes. Sometimes, I can't help but stop in my tracks and wonder. Wonder why there are so many obstacles in my way as I work toward my goals. Don't they say that if you ask the universe to help you out in search of your dreams, opportunities will open? I thought that's what they said. I may have misheard it, but that's what they said in the Secret, didn't they? I don't recall the last time I went through a day with little or no struggle. Not recently. So many obligations tug at my heels as I move forward in my day, in my week, in my year. I am walking through water that comes up to my chest. There is resistance with every step. I get used to the pace of resistance and then I look at the land to measure my progress and discover that even though I am walking forward, the tide is ebbing and every step is twice as hard and I find that I am standing still. I feel like a salmon, trying to swim upstream and that much of my effort is leading me to an unmoving position. Walking as though I were on a treadmill, getting the excercise, but not going anywhere. I don't want the excercise, I want the movement. Today is one of those times. This last 40 days has been one of those times. I am not sure why I try to move forward. Blind hope, carefree, lack of planning parts of my personality.