Saturday, May 19, 2012

The problem with reading other people’s stories, especially conversations, is how boring they are. It’s annoying because I have so far spent more than 3 hours reading and editing a Douglas Adams Story I was going to send everyone for Christmas. I started editing out all the retakes and breaths and bits and decided that it was one of the most boring things to listen to despite the fact that the writing is excellent. Or perhaps because the writing is excellent. Because Douglas Adamses writing is so good, the enjoyment is reduced by reading it aloud. The only person who should read Douglas Adams, is Douglas Adams, because whenever I read it, I hear his voice in my head. I do not hear my own voice. Not that there is anything wrong with my voice. I don’t mind hearing it, I just don’t want to hear it reading Douglas Adams. I would much rather hear it read something I have written, because it sounds more natural. In fact I would rather quote Monty Python to you than read Douglas Adams. But don’t worry, I’m not going to do that because you would simply stop the CD player, eject the CD and lovingly and loudly began to stamp on it. I understand. I hate it when other people quote comedians to me, strangely enough I can’t help myself – quoting Monty Python. It’s in my head ALL THE TIME, even when I don’t want it to be. For example, when I hear someone say “What’s the Point?” All I can think of is, “What’s the point of him having the right to have babies when he can’t have babies?” See there I go again. I can’t help it. I need help. Help Help. You think you need help? If you need help, press the Help key. Didn’t there used to be a Help Key on a keyboard? There should be one. I could use one. I am going to add one later, when I have gotten to the point.


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